CrazyLand Fairy Tales
by Thephoenix
Summary: Harry Potter, Grim Fairy tales, and louds of other crap collide to create this mostrosity. ENJOY, AND LOOK FORWARD TO MORE!!!*~scream~* NO, I DON'T WANT ANYMORE, TAKE IT AWAY!!!


CrazyLand Fairy Tales  
Disclaimer: Let's see, J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter, the Grimm Brothers own all their fairy tales, I don't know who owns Belinda, good witch of the north, but it ain't me, and that guy whose name I forget owns Alice in Wonderland/Through the Looking Glass, it was just my idea to make them collide, creating total chaos.  
  
There was once and old hag at Diagon Alley trying to sell her cat. One day, a girl named Hermione bought the cat and named him Crookshanks in Boots, for the maroon boots he often wore. One day, Hermione and Crookshanks were in Hermione's room bored as ever, when a strange boy came toward them. He was dancing through a field of flowers. I don't remember planting those flowers. Hermione thought. "Are you bored? If you are, follow me through this looking glass!" the boy said with a small hiss in his voice. "Looking glass? What's a looking glass?" "A looking glass! You know you look at yourself in it, it talks to you sometimes, a looking glass!" "Oh, you mean a mirror." "To put it so plainly, yes, a mirror." The boy spat out the word mirror as if it were a curse word. "Well ok come on Crookshanks in boots, let's go trough the ... looking glass." "Yes, come along Dina, Alice, let's go through the looking glass!" The man, who Hermione realized was wearing tights, said gleefully. "My name isn't Alice it's Hermione and my cat is Crookshanks!" "Whatever, let's just go, the readers of this fanfic are getting bored!" The man did a ballet leap through the looking glass, and instructed Hermione to do the same. She refused to leap and just walked through with Crookshanks in her arms. "Excuse me? Weird ballet man? Where are you?" Hermione called, but when no answer came she said, "Good that freak's gone." Then, two boys -twins-came toward her. "Hello, he is Tweedle-Fred." "And he is Tweedle-George." The boys introduced each other. "Would you like to hear a poem?" Tweedle-Fred asked. "No, not really." Hermione answered. Tweedle-George snapped at her, "Well, that's too bad, missy, cause you're gonna here it anyway. There once was a man from Nantucket-" "TWEEDLE GEORGE, NOT THAT ONE!!!" Tweedle Fred yelled. Then, another boy who looked nothing like Tweedles Fred and George came walking toward them. "Hello! I am Tweedle Lee. Tweedle Lee Jordan, that is." "WILL ALL YOU STUPID TWEEDLES LEAVE ME ALONE!?" Tweedle Fred yelled. "Hey, that was my line!" Tweedle George yelled. "No it wasn't, it was my line!" Tweedle Lee yelled. They began fighting over whose line it was as Hermione grabbed her cat and walked off mumbling, "Freaks."   
After walking for about three seconds, Hermione reached a large table with a man and a flame sitting on the far end. She realized the flame was really a phoenix. "Hello, I'm Dumbledore and this Fawkes. We're celebrating Fawkes' 300th time for bursting into flames. Would you care to join?" the man asked. "I don't even wanna know. Wait a minute, I already know! Well, then I guess I don't want to join... or something like that." Hermione replied and ran off for fear that she might catch on fire.  
As Hermione walked further, taking four seconds this time, she came upon a boy talking to his rat. "Oh, Scabbers, I wish you were a real pet. I mean a good pet. Not just a plain, boring rat. Oh, hello I'm Ron, and this is my rat Scabbers." "Hello, Ron. I'm Hermione and this is Crookshanks in boots." All of a sudden, Scabbers became a man. A very short man at that. "Pinocchio! You're a real boy!" Ron cried with joy. Then, a boy with a lightning scar on his forehead and a badge on his shirt that read Harry Potter: Official Corrector of Weird FairyTales ran up to Ron and whispered something in his ear. "What? Oh, sorry. Scabbers! You're a real criminal!" Ron yet again cried with joy. Then, he whispered to Hermione, "He framed Sirius Black for murder." Yet again, Hermione ran from the odd scene as Ron hugged his new murderer.   
Hermione was on her way to a forbidden forest. While traveling to the forest, she past a man wearing a black and white striped shirt. On the side of his shirt were the words 'Prisoner 38926: Sirius Black'. He was skipping along the trail singing, "HAHAHA, HOHOHO, and a couple of la-di-das. That's how we laugh the day away in the merry old land of Azkaban."   
Hermione was now in a dark forest, alone and wishing she hadn't followed that weird ballet guy. "I wanna go home, this place stinks - literally." "Well, you can. Just click your heels together three times and sing 'Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Myer wiener, oh that is what I truly want to beeeeee, 'Cause if I were an Oscar Myer wiener, every one would be in love with meeeee." Crookshanks said with a smile from ear to ear on his face "Crookshanks, are you supposed to the Cheshire Cat or Belinda the good witch of the North?" Hermione asked. "It's a combination I guess. Ask that fanfic writer, she'll know who or what I am." They both turn to The phoenix. "What?" she asked in confusion. Harry ran out and tells her what happened "Oh. Well, I don't want this fanfic to be too long, so Crookshanks gets to be Puss in boots, the Cheshire Cat, and Belinda good witch of the North." The phoenix replied. Hermione shrugged, tapped her heels together three times, and began to sing the Oscar Myer wiener song. All of a sudden, a tiny little man in a pink tutu and a crown appeared, hovering in the air. "Hello," he said, "I'm your fairy godmother, Severus Snape. You summoned me with the Oscar Myer wiener song, so what do you want?" "I want to find that weird ballet guy so I can get out of this place." "Ok," said Snape, and he began to sing, "In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight..." Then, the ballet man appeared. "I'll take you back to your house if you can guess my name. If you get it wrong, you have to stay here forever dancing ballet with me. Here's a clue my name is..." and he whispered his name in her ear. Hermione, with a puzzled look on her face answered, "Voldemorte?" "Darn, you got it right."   
Hermione shot up in her bed. She was in the hospital wing. Tons of people surrounded her bed. "I had a dream," she said, "And you [she begins pointing at various people], and you, and - HEY! Voldemorte, what are you doing here?" Voldemorte then ran out of the building, everyone chasing him.  
--fin--  
  



End file.
